Check on your people…
Today is a hard day for me, August 16, 2008 I became a father. My older son was born that day and changed my life forever. He was a great kid and was a true joy to be around as he grew older. He was a typical teenager and had his moments, but he had a heart of gold. He had a heart for people. I could sit here and write about all his accomplishments in his life but that’s not what I am going to do today.
He had been fighting some battles in the months before he passed. He had opened up about his feelings, and we did our best to help and support him. We really thought he was doing great. His schoolwork had gone back up to his usual grades, his athletic endeavors were successful, he just seemed like he was back to his old self. However, that wasn’t the case. Inside, he must have still been fighting the battles, he hid them from everyone. He ended up taking his own life, at the age of 15, without really any warning.
Since that day I have struggled to come to terms with what happened. I put on a brave face for a long time. I felt I had to be the strong one in the family to make decisions and keep our lives on track. Inside, I felt I failed as a man and as a father. I felt like I should have been there quicker, I should have spent more time with him, I should have done something to protect him better than I had. I have had those thoughts going through my head constantly for the past couple of years. I know it wasn’t my fault, and there was really no way for me to prevent the tragedy from happening, but I still feel responsible and inadequate when it comes to being a father.
As a man, I have been created to protect and lead. I am supposed to be the one who stands in the gap for my family. I should be the one who also leads spiritually in our household. I failed on the spiritual part 100%, and I am working to rectify that moving forward.
One really big problem I see in the world today is the lack of community we have. Most people don’t have people. Does that make sense? Most people don’t have anyone to connect with on a deeper level than a co-worker or acquaintance. Friends or likes on social media are more important to a lot of people than having a few close friends who truly care for each other. We need others in our lives to keep us in check and to support us when we can’t support ourselves. That is one big lesson I have learned through this tragedy. I had a few people who truly cared and have stuck with me and my family through one of the hardest times we have ever experienced. I am grateful for every one of those people, and it has changed the way I view friends differently moving forward.
I have also found a heart for others since going through this. Especially men who are struggling. Men tend to get forgotten when it comes to problems since we are the ones who like to fix them. We tend to be good at fixing other people’s problems, but when it comes to our own, we need the help of others to shed some light on the fix. We tend to keep our own problems to ourselves since we don’t want to be a burden to anyone else. My advice is to find a couple of people you can trust and have those tough talks, get vulnerable, get deep. We need that connection as men to keep is in check and not let our negative self-views take over our lives. The church I attend has a great men’s ministry who live this out every week, I have been blessed beyond measure to be a part of it. See if your church has one.
This week, check on your people, your family, your coworkers, and anyone you see struggling. Show them they matter, show them you care, show them grace and love.
Proverbs 18:24 (NLT)
There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.